SHAME, and Our Selves in Relationship

Shame is the emotional consequence of feeling marginalized, devalued, disempowered, or disgraced. It follows from the perception that we are unlovable, unacceptable, and disturbing to others. It is the well-learned warning bell that we are stepping beyond our allotted place in the order of things – that we are about to violate a powerful taboo against “too much” self-assurance, “too much” trust in our own experience, “too much” disturbance for those with power or influence over us.

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