PARENTS FACING ADOLESCENCE
Adapted by Malcolm Miller, Ph.D.
Recommendations for Parents of Adolescents
(From Haim Ginott, Between Parent and Teenager, Avon; Reissue edition, Nov.1988)
Guidelines to Help
Seven Roads to Trouble
- Do not to make digs at your teenager even though this is tempting.
- Do not emphasize their vulnerabilities to make your points.
- Encourage thoughtfulness rather than dependence.
- Respect their privacy, unless you have good reason to be concerned about such things as drug use.
- Differentiate between tolerance (will not stop them) and acceptance (implying it is o.k.).
- Do not futurize ("You'll never be able to hold a job unless you learn to get up on time").
- Do not discount their feelings even though you disagree with them ("I hate you." Instead of saying, "You don't really hate me." Say, "You're really angry with me.")
- By reasoning. "Did you really think you could get a job after one interview?"
- By cliché. "Your still very young and your whole world is ahead of you, so what's the hurry?"
- By "take me for instance." "When I was your age…."
- By minimizing the situation. "I don't see why you should feel it is so important."
- By "the trouble with you." "The trouble with you is you never listen."
- By self-pity. "Life has not been easy for me."
- By a "Pollyanna" approach. "Everything happens for the best. You lost this boyfriend, a better one will come along."
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