The Process

Youāve done it again. You told yourself it was going to be different this time, but like so many other times you can remember, youāre starting to write the report the night before it is due. Three weeks ago you thought about doing it, but said "Not right now. Iām too wound up. I better relax." Always looking for the right time, itās never right now--that is, unless itās imminent. And now youāre downright panicked about the thing.

As you work, you realize itās not that difficult and you berate yourself once again for having put it off. There are parts of the report you actually enjoy working on and again think "What an idiot for not having gotten on it sooner." You donāt have the luxury of refining it, so you do the best you can with the time you have. Finally, youāre done but feel exhausted. Itās about 3:30 in the morning and you have to get up at 7. "If only..." and "I should have..." are your last thoughts before falling asleep. If the report is criticized, you feel found out and ashamed. If itās praised, you feel like a fraud, as though youāve tricked someone. You make a promise to yourself: "Whatever happens, itās going to be different next time." But the next time, itās the same thing. The process is demoralizing.

The Reasons for Procrastinating

Does any of this sound familiar? Whether you are remembering school papers, or thinking about reports for the boss, or cataloging projects you continually expect to take on but never do, the procrastinatorās nightmare has some surprising similarities. The reasons for the behavior, however, are varied. After years of working with students in college counseling centers, it seems clear that the purposes of procrastination depends a great deal on the individual. It is too simple to say that the behavior is rooted in mere laziness or lack of interest in the subject. Often, it is much more complicated.

Perfectionism. As a group, procrastinators tend to be perfectionistic, all-or-nothing thinkers. They donāt expect to write merely a good report, they expect to write an amazing, outstanding, incredible one. The perfectionist then becomes paralyzed with the overblown expectations. The idea that they might write an average or even a good report is met with disdain. They often expect that they should be able to generate a great product with very little effort. The words should flow easily and when they donāt, discouragement sets in.

Procrastination is a way of protecting yourself from criticism and failure. It is common to procrastinate in order to protect the person from discovering whether they truly are capable and intelligent. Many procrastinators suffer from doubt and lack of confidence, as well as a strong tendency to only believe in their self-worth if they perform well. Hence, it seems too risky to discover the truth. "If only I had studied more, I would have aced that exam" is the refrain. Procrastinating is a way of avoiding real criticism of their true abilities, because, since they had not put real effort into the work, any criticism can be discounted. "It would have been better if I had really taken the time to prepare."

Years ago, I was seeing a young woman in psychotherapy. A college student with good promise, she nevertheless struggled with procrastination. Her brother had graduated law school and was studying for the bar. In one session, she casually remarked, "Heād better be careful. Heās studying so hard, heās not going to have any excuse if he doesnāt pass." Upon really listening to herself, she began to get the first glimmer into her own dynamics for her procrastination.

Procrastinators often struggle with uncomfortable feelings as they approach their work. When beginning to study, or when just starting to write a paper, it sometimes helps to write down how you feel. More often than not, people feel "stupid," "incompetent" or "incapable." If they have to struggle with the material, it makes them feel as though they are discovering the truth about themselves: if they arenāt good students, they arenāt worthy individuals.

While working on my doctoral dissertation, I remember having some of the same thoughts. If it didnāt come easily, I felt as though it indicated I wasnāt cut out to be a psychologist. For me, I didnāt have a back-up plan; this is all Iāve ever wanted to be since I was 12 years old. I remember working on the dissertation when I looked up at the hallway and thought it looked a bit drab. It seemed absolutely imperative that I go at the hardware store, pick out colors and start painting. I ended up painting the entire inside of the condo! One of my colleagues, also working on his dissertation, went to get a drink of water from his kitchen. He noticed the shelf was dirty and began taking all the dishes out of the shelves, until he had completely cleaned out all kitchen shelves and reorganized them. These stories are not uncommon, and many of us referred to the experiences as the "dissertation blues." How we did on our dissertations had a great deal to do with how we thought about ourselves, as well as our entry into a field that many of us had anticipated for years. The stakes were high, as were our fears.

The contribution of childlike thinking. Much of the resistance to tackling a project is grounded in childlike thinking. Unfortunately, childlike thinking is not limited to childhood, and the patterns that were formed early, tend to stay with us unless they are "worked through." One of the most common beliefs related to procrastination is "this will be easier later." It doesnāt matter whether a person has all the information in front of them and ample time, the belief that if they put it off until later, they will have the courage, the self-confidence that they feel they need. But in truth, too often, it doesnāt get easier, and in the meantime, opportunities come and go without being taken advantage of. Others are getting the jobs, asking the person out on a date, and working on projects, even when they arenāt feeling on top of the world. Those people are taking full advantage of the opportunities that come their way.

Another childlike belief is to avoid doing what someone else tells you to do so that you can prove your "independence." For these individuals, having a teacher or professor assigning homework can be difficult. In order to feel as though they are not controlled, they must avoid the work. Caught between their desire to stand up for themselves, and still not face the consequences of being late with schoolwork, they fail to realize that they are being controlled if they insist on doing the opposite of what another has directed.

This dynamic sometimes plays out in relationships as well. If a wife loves Valentineās Day and that day is important to her, and the husband feels as though he is being forced by convention, and perhaps even his wife to buy a gift, he may feel resistant if he needs to prove "heās his own man." She may feel that his oversight is an indication that he doesnāt love her or understand how important the day is to her. The procrastination dynamic can ruin careers and self-esteem as well as relationships.

Procrastination in order to prevent success. For some, one "purpose" for procrastination may be to avoid success. This is very self-sabotaging. Some children grow up with a sense of himself or herself as a failure or a "loser" and then as adults, continue to collude in the misperception. Even a negative self-image is a difficult endeavor to give up. By procrastinating, they insure that they never achieve to the same degree. This can further protect them from hoping and being disappointed, as well as not having to try new ways of being that feel uncomfortable.

Please go to Psych Bytes for information on how to change the procrastination habit.

Check out the Book Review on Creative Procrastination.

Dr. Harper Slate is a psychotherapist in practice in Santa Monica. She is a member of the Independent Psychotherapy Network.

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